inferiority complex

it hits you when you least expect it. a harmless,passing comment, but nevertheless it slipped under the layers of love and ego and cockiness to taunt.

i am never as good as some people are. not because i'm being narrow in my definition, but that there always will be people who are better than me in every way. breezing through life up till now has made me take for granted what i have, and more importantly created an illusion that i am someone i am not. most times, being able to get what i want has made me cocky and complacent -- getting by work with bare minimum effort but still doing relatively well imbues a false sense of security, and compliments. darn those compliments -- i don't deserve them, and i am in the best position to know myself.

i wish opinions of others could be like water on duck's feathers. they never are. i can be nonchalant, but only if i don't mind the tag, or think in some perverse way it works to my advantage. it'd be so hypocritical to hope that i have more than i am endowed with or already have -- i am lucky to be where i am, and i know full well that, but there's a little evil part of me that wishes God were a little more unequal in His distribution (in my favour).

and these sentences struggle to form some coherent expression, but can't. i myself don't know what i want to mould them to be.

shouldn't there be a satiation point to even greed?