i miss each and every one of you...

i woke up at the unearthly hour -- 4am, to attempt to complete my essay. instead i spent the entire time blog surfing.

there's something very satisfying about knowing that my classmates are all doing well. somehow i wish i figured more in each of your lives right now, but being who i am, being where i am, i do not, and i can only make sure all of you are fine by reading your blogs. what a poor and pathetic substitute. it's sometimes very hard to show that i care -- why that affection all of a sudden girl? especially since i hardly spoke to some of you while in hwachong.

will it be weird if i started all of a sudden?

even for my friends in oxford, in uk, i hardly make the effort to keep in contact. i'm quite ashamed to admit it, but save for a few, i just send the rest the odd invitation to a gathering. why this indifference? it doesn't make sense. i know i care, even if sometimes there's not much in common between the 2 of us. but still, knowing that all of you are all right, not overly stressed, not overly homesick, just generally happy, that is important to me. i don't just want to sense it from reading your blogs, i want to know it, i want to see it, i want to hear it.

will that be weird?

having to confront the truth that i am a really lousy friend just sucks. it seems like the only thing i know how to do well is to take people for granted.