home, results etc.

24 hours - 3 countries, 3 airports, after a 8 hour long train ride. i got slightly sick at every lurch the plane took towards the end of my marathon travel back home, but at least i survived. it's the anticipation. i remember, on the long train ride from varna to sofia, seeing mountains framed by the rising sun, remember the lerthagy i felt when i reached sofia, after having slept fitfully and badly needing the loo. i remember feeling excited, happy that soon i will be home.

plane ride to heathrow from sofia. started to feel nonchalent about this home thing. plane ride from heathrow to bangkok. sat next to 2 thai teenagers who were visibly elated when the plane finally touched down. all at once i wish i were them, even though it'd be my turn in a couple of hours. plane ride from bangkok to singapore, my home. time seemed to stand still at 15minutes to landing. i was anxious, so anxious. my parents were waiting, abiel was waiting, i didn't want to be late. zipped through security, half jogged my way to customs and out, and suddenly this anxiousness stopped. replaced by this nonchalence about being home, my home, the familiarity of the place, seeing my mum wave frantically as i wave back but almost instantly turn to look for my luggage. i missed singapore, i missed the people in singapore dreadfully, but i couldn't master a hug when i saw the people i missed so much. it's not that they don't mean anything anymore, all of them are so integral to my life, it's just so hard to let them know how happy i am to be home. my parents, my dear darling parents, i am ever so glad to see them. and abiel darling, i'm sorry if i seemed cold, my heart leapt when i saw you (the blindingly bright orange shirt might have something to do with it =P) but honestly, i felt complete.

my happiness at being home increased when i saw my brother, who kindly opened the door for me with a smile (rare one these days) and my grandmother, probably as pleased as i am that i am back. tempered, though, by my grades, which are by no means average, much less good. tempered by the 2 million things that are missing from my bag, they've just disappeared. the grades are probably the main factor though. and now it's 230am and there's nothing much i can do online, nothing much i can do to will myself back to bed but just blog surf. there's still anticipation, this time of abiel's sister's wedding, seeing him again, seeing his parents again, seeing her in all her joy and happiness, in the knowledge that she need never be alone again.

and this is when i tell myself, at the end of it all, grades don't matter. material possessions don't matter. they are means to an end, and as long as i can achieve the end i want, then obstacles are just temporary roadblocks, but i will get there.

i'm sorry if i can't spend another year with you in london, abiel, if i don't get my masters. i will see what i can do about it.