there will be no photo

it's just too painful, seeing a photo of you. it was a glorious smile indeed. and even now i feel the emotions well up inside me, my nose feeling all queer as i read my cousins' blogs and read their eulogies. i skip your photo. it's far too fresh.

i am half afraid that once my exam ends, my belated mourning will then begin. and persist. and intensify once i reach singapore and go to bedok temple. i am not sure how i will handle this. i can't clearly remember the last time i saw you, only that it seems like a life ago. if only.