random post

random thought: it's funny how people visit my blog but don't like to indicate they've been here.

more important random thought: it's funnier, in a sick sad twisted way, how you only realise how important something is when you lose it. blog voyeur that i am, i can't help but have niggling suspicions about some things, but naturally to voice them will be to be supremely sensitive and making a mountain out a molehill. it's just that i always liked drama serials for precisely the drama, how 2 people who're meant to be together will eventually be together, never mind the 34783648736 days spent apart pining for each other, or the 26532 number of girls/guys the other person had to go through to realise that the person he/she left was the one. now being the romantic that i am, i do believe in The One. i also think that it is heart wrenching if someone, anyone, finds the one and wittingly or unwittingly lets the person go. one emotion i hate most is regret - the churning feeling in one's tummy, the sour twisting of one's heart and the continual what-ifs that just increases the self-loathing. maybe loathe is too harsh a word, but you get the idea.

i'm definitely not alluding to my life, it's someone else. whenever i tell my friends, he's not worth it, let him go, or her for that matter, deep in my heart i pray - oh please, let the person not be the one. otherwise i will never forgive myself for encouraging you to let the person go. yet i still have to protect my friend. what a thin line, protection and actually causing greater harm.

perhaps it's this overly-dramatic everything-in-my-life-is-but-a-play part of me that makes me think this way, that makes me prefer drama to the monotony of stability. no one should have to go through such emotions, whether it is but a prickle in one's heart, or chest-stifling anguish, but yet without i always think the story isn't complete.

need someone's happiness be built on another's pain?