will you find true love?

found an email with the above mystical sounding title in my inbox today. i didn't open it, so i don't really know what's it about. i guess the cynic in me has finally surfaced. maybe i'm too young to experience what love is (experience nonetheless) but however things have turned out i just cringe at myself for being so so naive. i shudder when i think of what i thought was love, it's nothing that will last till death, that's for sure. i know myself to be superficial, painfully so, when it comes to these kinda things, and now that's coming back to haunt me. certain things i should have taken note i was blind to, thinking that love can conquer all. (note to self: it cannot.)

but i don't really think i am that young. i feel like an old wizened lady, i study everyday, dream of going to oriel and of cute chubby babies (for some reason =P maybe maternal instinct?), but otherwise my life is unchanging. sure i may make a new friend here and there, i may laugh extra hard and long at diane's quips, but otherwise my life is monotonous. there's no end to look forward to. once i looked to love, now i shy away, instinctively. there is no finding of true love if it does not even exist, isn't it?

i told diane that when it comes to the crunch, i'll perhaps decide to be a single mum. the only thing that is holding me back is not society's prejudices, rather i think it may not be so good for the child to have just a mother figure to look to. blah. not the time to think of having a kid isn't it? i have the As to prepare for...